The Life We Could Have Lived
by NotsoSugarQueen
Summary: We were divided by our choices- I chose Erudite and read books, Beatrice chose Dauntless and got tattoos, Robert chose Amity and preached peace. Only Susan remained. She was the only one who chose everyone over herself. She will always be my biggest what if, the symbol of the life I could've lived had I chosen differently. Please R&R!


**The Life We Could Have Lived-**

**A.N.: so this is my first Divergent fanfiction, and I'm just going to start with a short and sweet oneshot about Caleb and Susan. Don't get me wrong, Tris and Four are my favorite couple in the series, but I just think it would be important to capture something with a different edge, since all of these stories are about Fourtris. Hopefully, you enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: No, I don't own the Divergent Trilogy or any of the characters.**

Caleb PoV

In the beginning, I thought I was being smart.

I'd always felt out of place in Abnegation, no matter how perfect my life there seemed. The gray clothes, the short hair, the endless service and selflessness made me feel suffocated. It was routine. You get up in the morning, you eat breakfast, come home from school and eat and go to sleep. And you repeat it, every single day.

I needed more. I _wanted_ more.

Of course, if I had ever said something like that to my parents, they would have been horrified. And if I'd told Beatrice, she would've been confused. To her, I was the older brother who did everything perfectly. So I kept quiet, played the Golden Boy that I was meant to be.

But I was a rebel at heart. I wonder if I'd inherited our mother's Dauntless bravery, along with Beatrice.

I knew I'd inherited my father's brains. You'd never know it if you just talked to him about Erudite—how much hatred he held for them, almost as if it was spawned from an issue so deep and dark it had to be personal. But it made its appearances, every now and then when he would pass an Erudite on the street, a flicker of something in his deep green eyes, irritation or recognition. But he never spoke of it. The matter was closed, buried beneath generations of denial and separation.

And then I'd joined Erudite, I knew I'd pulled off an astounding betrayal to my parents. Of course, I had no idea that Beatrice would transfer as well. It was ironic how we'd each returned to the factions from which our parents had come from. The four of us—Robert, Susan, Beatrice and I—went our separate ways. We were divided by our choices. I chose Erudite and read books, Beatrice chose Dauntless and got tattoos, and Robert chose Amity and preached peace. We chose ourselves over our faction.

Only Susan remained. She chose everyone over herself.

I still think of her. A lot more than I'd care to admit. The way her pale blond hair would glint gold in the late afternoon sunlight, the way her blue-gray eyes would stare back at me, somehow brightened instead of swallowed, by her standard gray clothes. The gentle brushed of her fingertips against mine.

She was selfless.

I was not. I was selfish, however hard I'd tried to hide it with layers of façade and hiding books in my room throughout the years. And in my selfishness, I'd lost her.

That life I could've lived with her was gone, evaporated as if it had never existed. I'd annihilated any chance of it once I'd let my blood drip into the bowl of water at the Choosing Ceremony.

The life I lived now was far away from her, now more than ever, with our factions at war. And I can't help wondering what would have happened, had I shifted my hand and let my blood drip onto the stones as she had. If I had ignored my selfishness and stayed in Abnegation—under the guise of pleasing my parents, when in reality, it was all because of her.

But I didn't.

I made my choice.

And our lives are different now. She will remain the same for decades to come, in the gray section of the city, while I will try to bury my what ifs under a lifetime of research for technological improvement.

I am still trying to forget, but I have a feeling I never will. Her timeless face remains burnt onto the insides of my eyelids, forever engraved in my mind.

She will always be my biggest what if.

**Like it? I wanted to do a little something different, so there it was. Please review, constructive criticism is ALWAYS appreciated, and I'd like to know if I'm any good at writing Divergent fanfiction, since this is my first try. Thanks so much for reading!**

**-NotsoSugarQueen**


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